Generally, I work on a Five-Star rating system, which goes a little something like this:
0.5 - This (insert media type) should not exist. This rating is reserved for movies of such poor quality, or such poor taste, that they will always be the standard by which you describe bad movies. The world is a worse place for having these abominations unleashed upon it. Possible reactions to this kind of movie may include vomiting, a need to shower, or a prolonged lack of faith in the film industry. Examples: Freddy Got Fingered, Wrestlemaniac.
1.0 - There was no way that this movie could have been good, but it should have been better than it was. Rather than visceral reactions (like the aforementioned vomitus), this movie actually makes you angry that money traded hands in order for you to experience it. You're ashamed of yourself and will likely never tell anyone that you saw it. Example: Dragonball: Evolution.
1.5 - This is the kind of movie that you get when you're in the mood for a bad movie, so you pick something from the discount bin at Blockbuster, but realize that you didn't really want anything THIS bad. These are the really bad B-movies, which rarely star anyone you know, and lose faith in the people whose names you do recognize. Plots are terrible, predictable, contrived; characters are cardboard stereotypes; and acting is a polite word for what the people in front of the camera are doing. Still, there was one scene that was maybe kind of cool (likely involving an explosion or destruction a monster). Examples: Die Another Day, Resident Evil.
2.0 - This is a movie that you should hate, but something about it prevents you from totally giving into loathing. Maybe there is a character that you develop an attachment to. Or, the story had actual potential, but simply fell flat. Maybe the movie looks really good, but lacks in its substance. For whatever reason, these are not good movies, but it could have been worse. Examples: Batman Forever, Star Trek: Nemesis
2.5 - The trick to a 2.5 is wasted potential. With a bit (or a lot) more refining, this could have been an enjoyable film. Maybe the casting is wrong, or the story which could have been great gets caught up in a wrong direction. You don't hate this movie, but you sincerely wish that you could have been part of the prodution process because fixing it seems just so easy. Sometimes, however, it's a bad movie with just enough charm to pull it up from "crap". Examples: Gamer, Harry Potter and the Chamber Of Secrets
3.0 - Decent without being special. There are three ways to come upon this kind of rating. 1) You are pleasantly surprised by something you expect to be garbage. 2) You had absolutely no expectations going in, and decided that yeah, it was alright. It's in that awkward stage where you don't know whether you liked it or not but a 2.5 just feels like you're being too judgmental. 3) You really wanted it to be amazing, but it wasn't, so you're holding onto memories of the best parts, telling yourself that they are reason enough to sort of redeem it. Examples of each 1) Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen, 2) The Spirit, Year One, The Day The Earth Stood Still (2009) 3) August Rush, Watchmen
3.5 - Probably my most popular rating, these are movies that are undoubtedly good. You laughed where you were supposed to, appreciate the creativity or originality, or just got sucked enough into enough that at the end you were sure that you had enjoyed yourself. There are likely tweaks that could have made it better, but you weren't really expecting perfection anyway. I also generally reserve this category for movies whose historical and artistic significance I can appreciate without necessarily enjoying. Examples: Casino Royale, Cloverfield, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, The Birth Of A Nation.
4.0 - To earn this rating, I either have to be undoubtedly impressed. If it's a comedy, I have to have laughed out loud, whether I am watching it with people or alone. If it's an action movie, I have to have at some point performed some kind of fist pump or vocalized a "yeah!". You get the picture. There can be no doubt in my mind that not only I, but 90% of people who watch this will love it. Examples: Children Of Men, Zombieland.
4.5 - The landscape of cinema is better for the existence of these movies. The tone, acting, story, humour, and heart have all come together to make something magical. There are no lingering feelings of disappointment after the first or repeated viewings. A quick short-cut to a 4.5 is if I cry at the end... Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone notwithstanding. Goddamn you, Neville, you unfortunate bastard. Examples: District 9, Love Actually
5.0 - I do not know for sure if such a movie exists. Then again, I haven't seen The Godfather in years. Theoretically, this would have to be better than a 4.5, and those are pretty darned rare, and pretty darned good already. My examples are the only two that I have rated as such since starting compiling ratings. Of the movies I have seen, the only one I can imagine that I will give this to is Fight Club. Then again, that could be because of the mythological status that it has in my psyche. It is THE movie. I was beyond blown away the first time I saw it, and I have yet to be disappointed by a repeated viewing. I suppose the next time will determine if nostalgia and mythos are enough to earn it a perfect score.
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