Alright, Smallville, it's make it or break it time. When I first started watching the show, it was because I am, for all intents a purposes, a nerd. I thought it would be cool to see a superhero TV show, so I went out and bought the first season. I had seen a few episodes here and there, but I wanted to get an idea of the story. For the first season, I ended up getting caught up in it, the same way I did in the first (and fourth) season(s) of The O.C. There was just the right combination of sap and special effects to keep me curious about the rest of the series.
Now, Smallville is my chore. I have watched all eight seasons, although the last few have felt like a chore, like it's something that since I have invested so much time in, I should see through to the end. No matter how chaotic, repititious or terrible it has gotten, I've motored through. After the last season, however, I am sorely tempted to just let it go. So, this episode, the season premiere, will be my trial run. If it doesn't show any traces of awesome, I'm going to pull the plug.
I'm trying something new for this review/recap. Since I usually get through an episode of Smallville by doing something else at the same time (ie. folding laundry, reading up on the latest UFC gossip, random Wikipedia), I figure that I should give it some undivided attention, or at least as much undivided attention as I can provide while I provide you, my loyal readership (hi Dad!), with stunning, real-time insight. So, here goes. Feel free to watch along, although this is completely irrelevent to anyone who doesn't watch the show... and for the sake of your faith in television, I hope that includes you.
Once again, we are starting off a season not knowing where Clark is. If memory serves, that means it will take about 30 minutes to re-establish the status quo.
Now Clark is posing on a roof, looking quite badass, after tagging a wall with his "S" logo. Cool visual, but it still remains to be scene if anything redemptive comes out of this. Not to mention how impractical it would be to etch something that ornate into a wall with eye-lasers when you are trying to sneak away undetected. Let's think about this. The Superman "S" isn't like the Zorro "Z", where it takes three slashes. Clark must be seriously focusing, not to mention closing one eye at most times, to create that logo.
New season, Lois and Chloe are still making "pop" culture references that are entirely inappropriate given their stressful situations.
I'm also not really loving the new pathetic Lois. Not that I really loved super-empowered, ass-kicking Lois either. Loathe might be a better word.
Clark just tried to fly by falling off of something tall. Replace the Statue Of Liberty with an apartment building, and we have a pretty dandy Heroes rip off.
Random new British guy. Callum Blue by name. Ah... this might be Zod. Yep, Zod. And it would seem that he is a raging egomaniac. Nice of them to let us know right away who the new villain of the season is. Nice twist with him getting overthrown right away, though. Convenient that these militaristic folk are dressed in modern military uniforms.
Chloe has a nerd sidekick. Dunno how I feel about that, mostly bored.
Now we're in an underground fight club. I think we had one of those a few seasons back. Not to mention how absolutely cliche it is to jump into a cage when the going gets tough. Examples: Wolverine, Ryan Atwood, and now Green Arrow. Finishing off this scene, Clark shows up again and burns the stupid logo into a chain link fence. First episode, and this whole motif is already getting stale.
How do you take off someone's watch with one hand by just grabbing the face?
For someone who is an alcoholic, and currently drinking, Oliver really doesn't show signs of drunkenness.
All of the Kryptonians seem to be asking a lot of questions. Mine is the same as the as the one Mel Brooks asks in Space Balls: why does this alien (as well as Jor-El) have a British accent?
Does it just skip a generation on Krypton?
Based on the reaction and musical cues, we are supposed to know who John Corben is. I guess I'm not as up to snuff on my DC knowledge as I thought. (just looked it up on Wikipedia. He's a cyborg named Metallo")
Last scene (I hope)... and Lois is having flashbacks or dreams or something of her time in the future. It's an interesting montage of sex, violence, bloody hands, digging, and swords.
Last thoughts...
Things that were kind of cool:
-Clark's new outfit... except when he was walking in it, at which point his coat looked like it was holding him in like a cardboard tube.
-Clark having a saw blade thrown at his face and getting to see it slash his cheek in slow motion.
Things that were lame:
-Lois
-Chloe
-Chloe's new sidekick
-The scene where John kisses Lois in order to cover up his being there
-Clark talking to Jor-El
-Zod
-Zod's army
-Any time two characters speak to each other
Final Rating: 2.0
As for whether or not I'm going to watch again... probably. I don't know if it's loyalty, masochism, or if that last series of shots intrigued me enough to try one more time. Either way, I'll let you know how Episode 2 comes.
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