The Movies of 2013

If there's anything the Internet needs more of, it's lists. This December, I'm seeing a lot of sites trying to get creative, posting things like "The 10 Greatest Performances By People Who Have Been Understudies For Billy Bob Thornton"* or "The Best Episodes of Shows You've Stopped Watching"**. But where are the lists where people apply entirely subjective rankings to the select few movies they could manage to get out of the house and see? Where is that list that is being presented to billions of people on the Internet but is really only valuable to the guy who wrote it? That's the list that I want to read***. So here it is; presented from worst to best, my list of The Films of 2013.

*why the eff is there a silent "n" in Thornton?
**actually, that one sounds kind of fun
***write

19) Sharknado

It's just not good. You know it, I know it, and no matter how intentional its terribleness is, I could never actively recommend watching something because it's bad. Sure, sometimes its over-the-top-ness is entertaining. Who doesn't want to see a flying shark get sawed in half with a perfectly time chainsaw swing? But, there's a difference between being silly and just being awful.


18) Oz: The Great and Powerful

I remember seeing the trailer for Oz and thinking to myself that 'You know what, you need to stop being such a snob. Why can't you just learn to appreciate a movie as a piece of visual art, you insufferable twat?'* So, I really really tried to like watching Oz but I just can't do it. It's ambitious and often gorgeous but it's also senseless and tedious. Oz is a fun, beautiful world to fall into, especially in its excellent 3D but a dull story, unfunny comedy, and unsympathetic characters do not a classic make.

*fun fact, "twat" becomes eight times classier when it rhymes with "hat"

That being said, Zach Braff's monkey character is awesome.

17) Texas Chainsaw

The fact that I barely remember this movie probably says a lot about its quality but I do remember being surprised at at the parts when I did enjoy Texas Chainsaw. I remember a few moments of real tension, I remember some creative dismemberments* but I also remember a frustratingly complacent protagonist and, oddly enough, I remember a fair amount of Apple product placement. That second part isn't such a big deal but it always frustrates me to see characters witness unprecedented, insane, ultra-violence and just brush it off like it ain't no thang.

*which Google's autocorrect** doesn't recognize in the plural
**also not recognized by Google's dictionary

I'm told this is the "best Texas Chainsaw movie since the original." It's the only one I've seen and I'm glad that I didn't pay for the ticket.

16) The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug

I'll be the first to admit that I don't care much for the book The Hobbit. Literary discontent notwithstanding, I believe that movies likes this should stand on their own, without intertextual dependency on their source material. Desolation of Smaug just doesn't. Before I rag on it too hard, though, I'll give it its dues.

The dragon looks friggin' amazing. I am in absolute awe of the artistry and digital craftsmanship that went into creating such a fearsome, lifelike, epic creature. Also, the battles were pretty fun too.

But, that's about it. Otherwise, the movie is somehow stretched between two seemingly incompatible extremes: tedium and clutter. It's hard to explain but Desolation of Smaug is packed to the brim with too many characters and stories, barely any of which are interesting to watch. Bilbo is barely in it, despite being the absolute best part of An Unexpected Journey; dwarves who never spoke before now have half-baked personalities; and Gandalf runs off to give Tolkein fans a nerd boner while the rest of us wonder what the hell is going on. The only plots I enjoyed following were those of Bard and Tauriel and even there, I'm still not sure whether I actually cared or whether I'm just enraptured by two ridiculously attractive specimens of humanity.

And, of course, next December,  my ass will be back in that seat, watching it all wrap up.

15) Riddick

Riddick gets by on points for sheer entertainment. It's not a compelling story, I couldn't care less about the characters (except maybe Riddick's adopted alien jackal-hound friend) but the 10-year-old boy inside of me just couldn't get over how cool the whole thing was.

Riddick is always teetering on the edge of absolute riddick-ulousness* but Vin Diesel's unwavering commitment to the intensity of the title character somehow makes it enjoyable. It's all about kicking ass and taking names on a neat looking alien world. Take it for what it is and don't expect anything else.

*pun

14) The To-Do List

The To Do List takes a story that has been told hundreds of times before (a high school student wants to lose her virginity before going off to college), fills it with tons of clichés from the kinds of movies that have told that very same story, but makes a point of standing out in its blunt, candid discussion of sex. With this movie, we get to see some of the real awkwardness that comes from discovering one's own sexuality during the already uncomfortable years of teenagedom.

The film also tries to create its own identity by very specifically and pointedly setting itself in the 90's. Sometimes this gets played up for nostalgic laughs but it feels like it's slapping you in the face, insisting on you laughing at 90's culture because... 90's.

13) Oblivion

In a year where I have now seen Oblivion, Mission: Impossible II, and Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol, I have learned that while I will likely never be able to call myself a Tom Cruise fan, I can generally count on him to involve himself in serviceably entertaining popcorn fare. While I wasn't blown away by the action or the sci-fi twists of Oblivion, I had an alright time watching it and found myself immersed in the post-apocalyptic world that it creates.

12) World War Z

To be effective, a movie needs your sympathy. You need to be able to invest in a character's situation and feel something for them. In the beginning, I wanted so hard for Brad Pitt's character to rustle up his family and get the hell out of zombie Dodge. The opening scene where everything hits the fan and his family is nearly torn apart due to the insanity and chaos was almost too tense to bear.

Then, when Brad Pitt* is sent off into the world to figure out the solution, that sympathy starts to slip away. We get glimpses of caring back whenever he tries to get in touch with his family again but he also has an insane, uncanny ability to be the only remaining survivor of an absurd number of zombie attacks and infestations.

*or whatever the hell his character's name is. Ambassador Invincible, we'll call him.

The movie is at its best when things are tense and frenetic. Unfortunately, someone decided to stick a story in there, too.

11) The World's End

What could possible be wrong with this movie? We're reuniting Simon Pegg and Nick Frost with do-no-wrong director Edgar Wright? *AND* we're throwing Martin Freeman into the mix? This sounds like the perfect combination to match, if not outdo, Shaun of the Dead or the even more incredible Hot Fuzz. Except... not so much.

It's interesting to see Simon Pegg take a turn as the wastrel layabout but this time, instead of the whimsical violence and comic darkness we're used to from these guys' collaborations, we get whimsical violence and genuine darkness. It's still fun but it's got a real sadness at its core which takes away from the enjoyment without replacing it with too much actual emotional resonance. Instead of dark quirkiness, we get quirky darkness, albeit with the same flash and style that Wright's movies always have.

10) Pacific Rim

It seems that it was a popular sin this year to make really cool stuff happen in front of my eyes but absolutely punish me for thinking about what I'm watching. In no movie is this more apparent than in everyone's favourite giant robot vs. interdimensional creature feature, Pacific Rim. Apparently there is a scale whereupon crap can be measured against awesomeness and somehow, despite alllll its dullness and flaws, Pacific Rim weighs heavier on the side of awesome.

So much care and craft is put into the battles between the jaegers* and kaiju** that there is just a mutual understanding between the movie makers and the audience that, yes, there does have to be a story tying this thing all together, but don't worry, we'll get to the robots soon. And for some reason,*** we agree that this is an acceptable practice.

*Megazords
**Godzilla
***Idris Elba

9) Warm Bodies

I think a lot of people were like me when they approached Warm Bodies. It was Valentine's Day and being an unoriginal husband, my go-to date is dinner and a movie. Being February, and considering that Identity Thief looked dumb as hell, Warm Bodies seemed like the obvious choice. Figuring that it would be Twilight with zombies, I was prepared to glaze through it and find any endearing qualities I could.

As it turns out, Warm Bodies, was my sleeper surprise for this year. It's cute and sweet but always keeps preciousness at bay by coupling it with hyper violence. This elevates it above typical rom-com fare. The movie is greatly carried by Nicholas Hoult. Sure, we know where his character is going but he makes the transformation from corpse to love interest an endearing one to watch.

8) This Is the End

*

*I couldn't find a single cool variant poster for this movie

I have always wanted to write a sentence that contains the phrase "is the cinematic equivalent of," so here goes. This Is the End is the cinematic equivalent of watching Seth Rogen, Jay Baruchel, James Franco, Danny McBride, Craig Robinson, and Jonah Hill sitting in a circle, jerking off the guy on their right but punching, poking, and mocking the guy on their left, doing anything they possibly can to prevent him from achieving orgasm.

It's all just a clusterfudge** of cameos, references, and insults, set in the middle of an Apocalypse. The movie only really dips when the characters start dealing with their circumstances instead of talking about how famous and douchey they all are.

**fuck

7) Star Trek Into Darkness

Lately, I've been allowing the Internet to convince me that I didn't enjoy Star Trek Into Darkness but the more I think about it, the more refreshed I get in my fondness for it. It's like there's a tug-of-war between what everybody else thinks and the adoration I had upon my first viewing.

I'll get an obvious statement out of the way: No, it's not as good as the 2009 movie. It's not surprising when a movie fails to live up to its predecessor. But, what I did love about Into Darkness was its heart. One of the best parts of the "original"* Star Trek was the opening scene when Thor sacrifices himself to save the crew of his ship. I felt an even stronger emotional response when *SPOILERS* Kirk sacrifices himself to save his own ship. In a scene that could have been mind-numbingly hokey, Into Darkness somehow references The Wrath of Khan and ripped my heart apart at the same time.

*rebooted

It's a formula that works. Take a lovable team of misfits, throw them into a space adventure, add a few glaring plot holes, then make the whole thing gorgeous enough to ignore any problems with the story.

6) Thor: The Dark World

In Thor: The Dark World, everything just clicks. In the original Thor, we saw several glimpses of what could become a really enjoyable Asgardian adventure and The Dark World seems to learn its lessons. There's a lot of fat-cutting and what's left is simply entertaining.

Tom Hiddleston's Loki is the best part of the series? Okay, let's put him in more. Thor's too unrelatable and inhuman? Perfect, we'll put in just enough Natalie Portman to make us still root for him. Thor's hilarious when he's trying to settle into the human world? Amazing! Let's somehow make Thor's interaction with a coat hook one of the funniest things I've seen all year.

It's exciting but funny, heartfelt but not heavyhanded. It's a summer blockbuster that figured out the recipe and follows it to a t.

I cannot, however, left it unsaid that the Collector scene in the credits was really awkward, terrible, and out of place. It looked like a deleted scene from an early season of Xena.

5) We're the Millers

On a whim, we rented this movie and I am still surprised by how much I enjoyed it. A huge part of its success, is in all those worlds tumbling out of Jason Sudeikis' mouth. Considering his penchant for improv, it's hard to say whether he or the scriptwriters deserve credit for the smarmy sarcasm he uses to push the movie forward but there are few ways to entertain me more than sharp wit from a disenfranchised white guy.

The plot itself is ridiculous, which is great for a comedy. There are jokes about orcas, strippers, spider-bitten testicles, incest, ear-fucking and other things I've never considered laughing about before. We're the Millers actually feels original and creative in its comedy and I am grateful for having stumbled across it.

4) Iron Man 3

Iron Man is still, for me, the landmark of what a superhero movie can be. Iron Man 2 is still, for me, the landmark of how quickly a franchise can turn to crap. I had standards low but hopes high for Iron Man 3 and I feel strongly about its ability to deliver.

Moreso than other movies in the genre, the Iron Man franchise seems at least willing to participate in conversations about topical issues. The main one that resonates with me from Iron Man 3 is the dissemination of information. While I understand the rage of fanboys at the creative decisions that turned *SPOILERS* Mandarin from a bejeweled science magician from China into a red herring for all the world's woes, it brought to light the potential for falsehood in our informationally overloaded world. The more connected we are, the easier it becomes for individuals to deceive us for personal gain. Information is a commodity and a weapon, not just the freely exchanged communication fuel we always think it is.

Beyond the politics, the movie is quick and slick and stunning to look at. Robert Downey Jr.'s Tony Stark continues to be the essential, charismatic central figure in the Disney/Marvel filmiverse and, unlike his last solo outing, stands just fine on his own, thank you very much.

3) The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

Like I was saying earlier about Thor: The Dark World, Catching Fire takes everything that worked in the first film, trimmed the fat and added a whole lot more emotional investment. Everything in Catching Fire is ramped up to 11. Katniss is duking it out with the President directly. Dudes are getting shot in the street for speaking out against the government. Peeta becomes someone we genuinely care about. Everything's gone crazy!

Catching Fire's broader political story adds further gravity to the life of a character we were already so endeared to. Instead of just being the next chapter of a saga, the second movie raises the stakes, performs even stronger, and creates one of the best movie experiences of the year.

2) Frozen

This is a late entrant to the list. I saw Frozen yesterday and have fallen in love with it. You always hear about  "Disney magic" and I just assumed that I knew what it was about. I thought that it was the nostalgic lens through which I see the Disney movies from my childhood. But I realize now that it's more than that. Frozen left me with a feeling of real wonder.

In terms of its artistry, Frozen is absolutely beautiful. There were moments where I had to remind myself that what I was watching was animation. Every second looks wonderful and perfect. Every character and scene is crafted with such precision that I could not, for a second, stop enjoying what I was seeing.

Even more than its stunning visuals, I loved the story that the movie told and the creative decisions that were made, especially near the end. Frozen makes a point of leading you along a typical Disney path before taking turns in the best ways imaginable. Conventions of villainy and love are introduced and cast aside in a powerful way that addresses a lot of the gender issues that haunt the classic Disney canon.

Frozen is a beautiful progression that sets a new standard for not only animation but also the Disney method.

1) Gravity

Gravity may be the craziest goddamn movie I have, and ever will see. While some movies are about telling a story, sharing information, or arguing a point, Gravity is, at its core, a unique, exhilarating, and terrifying experience. If there is still a 3D IMAX or AVX theatre near you showing this movie and you haven't seen it, go do it now. I'll wait.

Gravity does an incredible job of sharing Sandra Bullock's character's experience with you, largely due to its incredible technical prowess. So much time is spent in her first person that her emotions become inseparable from our own. At first, space looks indescribably beautiful. Then it becomes agoraphobic in its vastness before turning into an unrelenting monster of violence and doom. It's uncomfortable, it's wonderful, it's gripping, and it's stressful. It is a masterfully crafted experience that deserves to be witnessed. That is why it is the best movie of 2013.

Star Wars - Episode: The Phantom Menace (in 3D)

To make this picture 3D, just hold your breath for a minute and a half and then rush your head at the screen

I feel silly... Not watching Rugrats with a bit of THC in my system silly but more silly in the kind of way that parents taking their kids to a Slipknot concert might feel. It's the kind of silly where you recognize that, for a period of time, your brain had shut down to the point where you're unable to recognize that you are making some pretty terrible decisions in the interest of feeling like you used to. This is how I felt when I spent 14 dollars and 50 cents to go see Star Wars - Episode I: The Phantom Menace in brand spanking new 3D.

The movie's over, and I'm not in any way surprised that I didn't particularly enjoy myself. Aside from a certain laser sword battle and scene that has somehow added "podrace" to our vernacular, I sat through the experience, almost entirely numb. Am I jaded by years of Internet-fuelled cynicism or is it really that The Phantom Menace isn't very good and I have just lived an experience where culture very overtly overcame my sense of intelligence?

I can remember the very second that I knew that I was going to be seeing this movie. It was within a moment of finding out that the film was to be re-released. It was an instant process. 'Oh, hey, they're re-releasing Star Wars in 3D, when that comes out, I'm going to see it.' Immediately, I had made a commitment to spend money on this product. I had completely become unaware that, to the best of my knowledge, The Phantom Menace is considered a giant stain on the Star Wars bedsheets. I'll let you work out the metaphors yourself.

But, not until the credits were over did shake this commitment off and start to realize that I had known better all along than to go see this movie. It's an amazing phenomenon of programming, making me think that it was a good idea. First of all, because I know that part of the appeal were those two misleading letters, "3D." I will admit to once being impressed with 3D film technology, and that was Avatar. Beyond that, there have been some nice moments with animated movies like How To Train Your Dragon but generally it hasn't been worth it. I would honestly forget during Thor that it was supposed to be in 3D. So why am I willing to pay four dollars more to experience this thing? I wonder if my wearing corrective lenses affects my ability to experience 3D the way I'm supposed to. Are people with glasses just never going to be able to "get it?"

Even if that is the case, I think I am in agreement with the consensus in saying that 3D technology is especially poor when it is applied to materials that weren't originally filmed for it. Like, for instance, with The Phantom Menace. So now I'm at a point where I've paying extra money to go see a movie that I know isn't very good.

The other inspiration for going to see The Phantom Menace was, I assume, brand loyalty. I remember having a conscious thought that 'if we push through the bad ones, we'll eventually get to see the good ones.' I think the worst part of all is that I recently, and unrelatedly, started watching the original Star Wars trilogy, and after watching The Empire Strikes Back, I don't understand what I've convinced myself that I'm looking forward to. Aesthetically, I do not particularly enjoy the Star Wars films, at all. I have fond memories of enjoying Return of the Jedi quite a bit when I was younger but I am coming to grips with the fact that if I rewatch it, it's not going to be any better than the other two. The only one that I feel like I could honestly enjoy, if the 3D was awesome, would be Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. I was old enough when I saw it to have developed some taste. But still, paying for 6 (or possibly 18, if the wife and kid want to come) high-price tickets for movies that I know aren't very good in order to eventually watch other movies that I don't especially enjoy is insanity of a pretty high order. We're talking about over $250 dollars going to feed a marketing machine that has convinced me, through toys and promotional cross-overs, that I love Star Wars.

I wasn't really a "toy" kid, but I was an enjoying junk food kind of kid, so to see The Phantom Menace plastered everywhere where we would go out for dinner to Pizza Hut back in 1999 was a special kind of thrill. I became a Star Wars kid back in 1997 when the Special Edition first came out. Amazing how on the twenty year anniversary of the first film, out comes this re-release of a fairly dormant cultural phenomenon followed by "Surprise!" a NEW movie just two years later. There's definitely a symbiotic relationship there but it's unclear which is the host. Did the Star Wars economy cannibalize the original trilogy in order to use it as advertisement for this new, soulless money machine? Or is The Phantom Menace just a two hour commercial for you to buy into the cult of Star Wars fandom which will continue to line the pockets of the powers that be with a new release of something every couple of years.

I don't know if I have ever really enjoyed Star Wars or if I just loved the idea of Star Wars. That love doesn't become a problem until, such as in the case of this re-release, I am asked to re-initiate with the source material. Sure it's necessary for me to have seen the movies at some point in my life in order to be able to enjoy other, better parts of the Star Wars phenomenon (like the awesome and adorable Lego: Star Wars games, or Chewbacca bobble heads or what have you) but it has become abundantly clear that once is probably enough. With that, I make the solemn commitment to NOT go see Attack of the Clones in 3D... unless someone asks me to... or I see an ad for it.

Crap.

Emergence Film Festival - Night 1, Part 1

Sitting in the University of Western Ontario's Conron Hall, I cannot help but be embarrassed that despite having had three classes in this room, this is the first time that I have ever really paid attention to what was going on. I check into full student mode, pawing uncaringly through a Gazette, sneaking sips of Coke Zero in a room that expressly forbids food consumption, and doing my best to pretend that I belong in the room. This time, however, I am not here to “Read Pop Culture” or because I thought that “Children's Literature” would be an easy credit. I am here because I saw a poster stapled to an electricity pole in downtown London advertising the Emergence Queer Film Festival.

Not sure what to expect, I set up my little writing station at one of the desks and watch as around 30 people, all of whom seem to know each other (or at least members of each others' packs), trudge into the theatre and find seats. Of those thirty, I notice that only about 5 of them are people who immediately register in my mind as male. Even for a festival that celebrates the liquidity of gender and sexuality, the demographic seems a bit skewed. However, I have neither the know-how or the inclination to try to understand what this means.

As we get closer to the start time, I start to feel a bit nervous that I am not the “Queer Ally” I think I am. I am worried that one of these films will expose some latent, unconscious homophobia in myself which I have, in the past, unwittingly unleashed upon a person or group that I did not understand. Coupled with this fear is my frustration with the woman behind me eating a brownie loudly enough that I can hear her saliva lubricating her mouth. This is the last thought that I have before the first of ten short films plays in front of me.

The Queen

The Queen is an interesting fictional piece which is received well with the crowd. It shows a brief moment in the life of a teenage boy working at a dry cleaner's. After a minute or two, it becomes clear that this young man is gay, as he slips into a fantasy about wearing the dress a classmate of his has dropped off in preparation for prom, while he dances passionately with the prom queen's boyfriend.

During various moments, the audience laughs as the young dry cleaner discovers himself in front of us, most notably in the film's final moment as the shop owner (I believe it's his mom), walks in to find him wearing the gown. Perhaps because of the look on his face, half the room sees the scene as comedy, laughing at the boy's exposition. Perhaps because of my nervous sense of hyper-sensitivity, I was bothered by the laughter. This is someone who feels secrecy about their sexual identity, and whose preference for wearing women's clothing is exposed to a woman who we have earlier been led to believe represents a traditional way of thinking. This could possibly an enormous moment in this young man's sexual development so I cannot help but be puzzled at the crowd's amused reaction.

Poker Face

Poker Face is one of my favourite pieces of the night. In it, a woman, when given news of her father's death, chooses to reveal to her lesbian peer group that she used to live in a male body, or in her words “used to be a man.” The truly compelling thing about this film is that it shines a light on transphobia as a separate issue from homophobia. Even amongst a group of homosexual women, the idea of one of them having undergone gender reassignment is shocking and possibly problematic. It's an important distinction that helps educate the uninitiated (such as myself) in having a better understanding of the different variations of human sexuality. It's one thing to be able to claim solidarity with the queer community but it's a whole other experience to be exposed to the difficulties of individual identifications along its spectrum. At its conclusion, the film discusses these issues within the context of a romantic relationship, recognizing that despite these differences, love is love, no matter how you dress it up.

Somebody is Watching Us

While I may have felt a bit out of my element before, Somebody is Watching Us is among the more challenging films of the night. Split between an English as a Second Language class and a men's room, the film follows a young, homosexual immigrant has a spontaneous, although interrupted, sexual encounter with another young man who turns out to be a new student in his class. After the encounter, the two realize that they are in the same class but it becomes immediately apparent that the second man is uncomfortable about the arrangement and that is where things get hairy.

Eventually, we learn that the second young man is new to the concept of a culture where his orientation is more accepted. The first man's methods for introducing him to this new reality are confusing and problematic, however, as his method of acclimatization involves increasingly aggressive behaviour, starting with uncomfortably long looks and escalating to the forceful grabbing of the second man's thigh before they nearly come to blows and end up in an extended chase. While everything does resolve, with both men walking together, as friends (or more), in solidarity with each other, the actions which lead to this resolution are forceful and violent. Whether it is in either party's best interests is beyond the point that excessive attention and unwanted touching are harassment. Perhaps this violent coming out is meant to be read as more of a metaphor than a literal action, however there is certainly irony in overcoming oppression with violations of personal freedom and space.

The Price of Flowers

The Price of Flowers is notable for being the only film in the series to deal with queer issues almost exclusively as a framework rather than as content. The story, set in New Orleans, deals with a homeless gay couple who are struggling to get by. One of the men is dealing with physical issues which prevent him from working while the other spends the bulk of his days selling flowers to passersby for just enough money to live. I do not mean to suggest that other queer films “overuse” their gay elements but rather than being a movie about gay culture, this is a movie about poverty, courage, addiction, fear, and hopelessness, and it just so happens that it is within the context of a gay relationship. All of these other elements are potential universal concerns, which encourages a sympathetic reaction from the viewer.

The only “gay” parts of the story are the bookend scenes. We open with the two men in a shelter, with one wishing that they could be sharing a bed. The last scene, following what may be one of the worst days of his life, the same man hops off of his top bunk and lays down to cuddle with his partner. It is a poignant moment where a man, in need of comfort, seeks love from the one person he can count on it from. He is not trying to make a statement or educate the world about equality. He is a man in a desperate situation who reaches a point where all he needs is companionship and love and Who could possibly deny him that?

I'm Just Anneke

I'm Just Anneke is a short documentary about a child who has struggled, from a young age, with gender identity. Compared to Poker Face, which deals with a trans woman who is well-established in her female identity, Anneke, at least in pronouns, still identifies as female but prefers the clothing of male identification. This is not a child who necessarily feels like a boy trapped in a girl's body, rather Anneke is a child who is choosing to arrest her puberty and sexual development until she can make an informed decision about which, if any, gender she will ascribe to.

While the movie does not dwell on the negatives of this decision, it does paint the picture of a child who has developed self-awareness and is able to express herself enough to understand the potential consequences of her choices. We are told that Anneke exhibited signs of Depression and even suicidal tendencies from as young as 5 years old. Nonetheless, I'm Just Anneke is a story of hope and acceptance. It shows well-informed people making important medical decision and surrounding themselves with supportive, understanding people. Among the most poignant moments of the film is one where Anneke is sitting on a trampoline with a bunch of her female friends. One says, and I paraphrase, “When I first met Anneke, I thought she was a boy. Then I found out that she was a girl and I said, 'Oh, ok.'” It's a moment that shows the acceptance of childhood logic when left unpolluted by intolerance and fear. It insists that if Anneke's okay with who she is, it shouldn't be of any concern of yours.

Flyers

I'm not going to bother to pretend that I understand this piece the way it is intended, especially since I can't figure out its mood. Its increasingly frantic pace and dramatic sounds create a feeling of stress and urgency, meanwhile its silly premise (a mysterious figure handing out flyers stating that the protagonist is a lesbian) and occasional moments of goofiness (like a baby holding a flyer) give it a possibly unintentional comedic twist. If I'm reading it right, I believe the film is about confrontation with sexual identity and the nagging unease of not being able to recognize or express your sexuality but at just a couple of minutes long, it's difficult to say with any certainty.

Go Go Reject

Of the films this evening, Go Go Reject is the most familiar in terms of form and execution. It's a fictional story with a fairly typical structure (young man wants to become a dancer, meets resistance, changes the rules of the game in order to succeed) that one could imagine being fleshed out into a half-hour TV episode or even a full length feature film. That's not to say that it's an incomplete piece,, rather just that as far as short films go, it is quite accessible to someone like myself who is fairly unfamiliar with the form.

Go Go Reject goes out of its way to entertain as much as it does to inform. It recognizes that issues like stereotypes and body image are important but it never wants you to stop looking at the screen and enjoying what you're seeing. It's silly, and fun, and introduces its challenges without pretending that it's going to save the world. It is the film of the evening to receive two rounds of applause, a reaction which is not entirely undeserved.

Genderbusters

Since the film festival is happening at Western, I think it's fair to drop a university-centric reference in saying that Genderbusters has the look and feel of an Orientation Week promotional video. It bathes in its amateurity while still confronting some very relevant and under-discussed issues. As a would-be organization of injustice fighters, the Genderbusters are a group of young individuals, all of whom defy traditional ideas of gender. In the film, they encounter situations which seem to demand a black or white answer and, through direct action, insist on a rejection of binary gender norms.

The last gender issue they “bust” stands out to me, especially, because it shines the light on a system which I have, unknowingly, been a part of. The scene plays out with a person struggling to know which box to check when applying for a job. As the person does not feel that either the “male” or “female” box applies, the Genderbusters rush in, cause a distraction, and replace the form with one that has options like “Neither” and, my favourite “My sexual orientation and gender has no bearing on my ability to perform this job.” The playful tone of the video makes the discussion accessible and easy to engage.

The Island

The Island is a speech made in response to an ignorant e-mail sent to the filmmaker about how all of “them” should just be sent off to an island somewhere to give each other AIDS. Rather than biting back with malice or hatred, the film follows this train of thought, imagining what such an island would look like. As the ideas are presented, animated representations of the island start to pop up. I'm unsure as to just how tongue-in-cheek the whole experience is, especially when it gets to the point about celebrating anyone who does contract AIDS as a deity before pushing them into a volcano but the final statement is perhaps the most important one. The last line suggests that an island filled only with people with identical identifications would be, in his words, lonely. Instead of biting back, the filmmaker responds to the island-e-mail by saying that he'd rather not live in a world with just homosexuals, which, of course invites us to do the same.

The last film of the series is called Pleasure Craft, a documentary-style short filmed in London by a filmmaker named Anthea Black. Since her film has come with a Q&A and plenty of content, I'll talk about it tomorrow instead.

All in all the first night has been both educational and inspiring. It is a testament to the progress of society that films like these, films which can challenge and incite, as well as comfort and enable, have a place, even if that place is in a tragically underattended film festival. By no means do I wish to criticize the work of the people who have put Emergence together, rather I hope that discussions, like the ones above help bring an even bigger audience to next year's festival.

The Woman in Black (2012)

Watching The Woman in Black, I couldn't help but be reminded that film is art. While it has its own structures and confines, I sometimes forget that it is a visual expression of an artistic inclination. I don't know whether more credit should go to director James Watkins, cinematographer Tim Maurice-Jones, costume designer Keith Madden or set decorator Niamh Coulter but The Woman in Black (not to be confused with the 1989 British TV version none of us have heard of) has style to spare.

Set in England during the Edwardian era (which is apparently from 1901-1910... I would have said "Victorian" because, to me, any period in English history after 1066 and before World War II was the "Victorian" era), the movie makes full use of its setting. I don't think it's much of a spoiler to tell you that this is a ghost story. And what better place to house a ghost story than a semi-abandoned, isolated manor in the middle of nowhere during a time period where even during the middle of the day, any source of light is dependent on your willingness to light a metric butt-ton of candles. Throw in a nursery full of wind-up toys which, at the time would have been state-of-the-art but now look like the kind of hellspawn Santa's elves would come up with if he took away their pensions, and you've got yourself a place to tell a good ghost story.

It's rare for me to spend so much time applauding a film's visual style. Hell, I all but defecated on Avatar for its style-over-substance approach. But in the case of The Woman in Black the style is a crucial addition without being a crutch for other shortcomings. The film is sparse when it comes to things like dialogue, so instead, it makes effective use of more visual storytelling. Its small or sudden movements in static frames are incredibly effective at creating a tense, nerve-wracking mood.

The Woman in Black also has a commendable sense of pacing. While the opening scene is bold and disturbing, it takes awhile before you get into anything creepy again. Then, it's all a matter of building tension with occasional respites. It's notable that the film doesn't blow its wad too early (which I recently learned is about gambling, not ejaculation) but that the really BIG scare happens *before* the film's big final confrontation. Preferring to allow for feelings of possible resolution and catharsis in its final scenes, there's one fantastic jump scare about three quarters of the way through the movie that left me so jittery that I was scared to pick popcorn out of my teeth in case another one came along and I'd bite off my finger.

It wasn't even until the movie was over that I realized why I appreciated it as much as I did. Lately, it seems like any kind of movie about a ghost or a haunting follows the same idea. With movies like Paranormal Activity and even in the olde timey-themed An American Haunting, it was the same structure of a family... in a house... with a ghost. There's bound to be someone who's skeptical about the situation. Then an exorcist gets brought in and things either get wrapped up or you get a twisty violent ending. With A Woman in Black, however, you get a lot of the same tropes (stuff moving by "itself", creepy sounds) but you get to see a man facing them alone. There's no Ouija board, there's no mystical expert, it's just a single man, trying to provide for his family, stumbling across a horrific set of circumstances that put his family in the crosshairs of a malevolent, violent, spiritual entity. After that, it's just a question of how you wrap it up, and as I've mentioned already, the movie, like this review, has been wrapped up nicely.

The Most Anticipated Movies of 2012

It's January 2nd, and yesterday's Movies of 2011 list proved quite popular, so let's continue the third annual tradition of talking about the 10 movies that I am most looking forward to this year. I realize that with it being so close to the beginning of the year, most of what I've heard about is big franchise blockbuster popcorn flicks but that's never stopped me before.

10) The Lorax - March 2nd

Posted below is one of two trailers I have seen for this movie. The first one (not this one) makes The Lorax seem like it's going to be a big mess of Seussian images, dumbing down its environmental messages for the sake of silly gags. This one, which benefits from its Polyphonic Spree backing, making it seem more like Where The Wild Things Are and less like Mars Needs Moms. But, even if it does turn out to be crap, I'm at least worried about it enough to care.



9) Wrath of the Titans - March 30th

I'm a little mad at myself for this one. I was immensely disappointed by Clash of the Titans but something is trying to make me believe that the sequel won't be garbage. I have a dim recollection of a Sam Worthington interview where he talks about using the opportunity to make an un-crap film but since I can't find it anywhere, there is a strong likelihood that it was in a dream.



8) The Avengers - May 4th

If you had asked me two years ago, this would be the easy number 1 or 2 on this list. Then Iron Man 2 happened. Then Thor happened. And while I hear good things about Captain America: The First Avenger I am pretty dubious of any post-Disney Marvel product. I know better than to expect magic from Robert Downey Jr. sequels and I know better than to put all of my eggs into Joss Whedon's basket but I am still hoping that this is the Thor's-lightning-in-a-bottle of awesomeness we all hope it will be.



7) Haywire - January 2nd

I have a tendency to like Steven Soderbergh movies more than most people (see The Limey and Contagion). I also fall for the dazzle of seeing the names of people who I enjoy in movies. Even after the Star Wars prequels, The Men Who Stare At Goats, and the dreadful Angels & Demons, I still believe in Ewan McGregor. I also have no reason not to believe in Michael Fassbender. And, add to that, the headliner debut of Gina Carano. All eyes are going to be on her to see whether this is a novelty act or the start of an impressive career.



6) The Amazing Spider-Man - July 3rd

The biggest concern with this one is the looming threat of redundancy. In such a well-established, and well re-hashed, mythos it remains to be seen whether there is anything left that is worth doing in a movie without beating you over the head with the same story in different clothes. We're going back to the origins, just like every incarnation of Spider-Man but I am hoping that fresh eyes will be able to inject something novel and worthwhile.



5) The Hunger Games - March 23rd

As the spiritual successor of the Twilight phenomenon, The Hunger Games sports a surprising credibility. People who have read it seem to legitimately enjoy it (or maybe I'm not paying close enough attention) and I'm intrigued enough by the trailer to want to see what all the hubbub is about. Even if it's the same kind of story we've seen before (The Long Walk as one example), it seems like it's sporting enough style and substance to be worth a look.



4) Men In Black 3 - May 25th

Say what you will about Will Smith and his absurdly profitable ways, there are few people I trust to entertain me more. I know I'm supposed to be skeptical and bitter about sequels but with a decade of CGI advancements and a long resting period since Smith has done something just plain fun, it seems like the perfect time for a return to the franchise.



3) Brave - June 22nd, 2011

I actually had this one at #2 until I watched the trailer for what has claimed the second spot. However, it's not Brave's fault. Brave *looks* fantastic. Say what you will about Disney and its monolithic destruction of all things childhood but when those cats team up with Pixar, they make some pretty awesome movies. Brave also gives you the extra pleasure of tying itself to an undeniably and, beyond The Secret of Kells, untapped animation goldmine with its Celtic setting. Even if it's crap, I'll have an awesome time just *looking* at Brave.



2) The Cabin in the Woods - April 13th

After what feels like years of waiting, it's finally here. The Internet has been talking about The Cabin in the Woods and the travesty of its being stuck on the shelf. If you haven't heard about it, that's okay. People are mainly excited because, even though it's not directed by Joss Whedon (although he is a producer and co-writer), it's his fanbase that's been screaming for its release. Throwing together a bunch of Whedon-verse actors, plus Chris Hemsworth and that too-pretty-to-be-real guy from Grey's Anatomy, all in a self-conscious horror movie, I have high hopes that this is going to join the ranks of movies like Evil Dead 2 and Shaun of the Dead.



1) The Dark Knight Rises - July 1st

No surprises here. I've got nothing but love for Christopher Nolan (even if I did like The Prestige better than The Dark Knight) and I simply cannot wait to see how this whole Batman thing gets wrapped up. I'm excited about the cast, I'm excited that this is a definitive ending, and I've also set a bit of a challenge for myself to see as little promotional material as possible. I haven't even watched the trailer below, so somebody please let me know if I've accidentally posted "Cake Farts" by mistake.

The Movies of 2011

Well, 2012 has come and gone, and like 12 years before, absolutely nothing happened. I know that the world's not supposed to implode, or turn into a giant radish or whatever until the 21st but I'm getting my skepticism out early. That being said, 2011 has been a year where a bunch of movies have come out and, for the third year running, I plan to rank the ones I saw.

This was an even worse year for theatre-going for me, in that I didn't do very much of it. 2009's list had 26 movies (from Dragonball: Evolution to District 9), while 2010's had a less-remarkable 21 (from Legion to Inception). This year, I only got out to seeing 14 new movies, slightly more than an average of once per month. Hell, I only saw 8 out of the 16 movies I called The Most Anticipated of 2011. But you don't care about any of that. In fact you've probably skipped past this. Purple. Monkey. Dishwasher. Now here's the list!

14) Red Riding Hood



Despite boasting the best-looking cloak cinematography since Spawn, Red Riding Hood is a mess of a film that stands out for having Amanda Seyfried somehow come out unscathed in a movie that me realize that even Gary Oldman makes mistakes.

13) Drive Angry

Nic Cage, whose first name apparently lost two syllables when he became a tool-for-hire, has become a film type all to himself. Like Tyler Perry, Jackie Chan, or Arnold Schwarzenegger, you now go into a Nic Cage movie trying to see if Nic Cage can out-Nic Cage himself. It's not until you've been sitting there for twenty minutes that you realize that you don't actually care and can't wait for it to be over.

12) Sucker Punch

On paper, this seemed like such a good idea. Giant lifelike Samurai statues? Steampunk Nazis? Carla Gugino? That's a recipe for brilliance. Insert clever food-related analogy which eventually leads to the impression that this movie left me disappointed with the somehow undelicious end result.

11) The Rite

The great lie of 2011:
Studio exec: Hey, Colin O'Donoghue, you want the lead role in this movie? Yeah? Okay, we've got some great news for you, we've also got Anthony Hopkins! He's going to be involved in about 40% of the movie. Now don't worry if we throw his name and face onto some posters, that's just to try and put a few butts in the seats. But you, baby, you're the star.

10) Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows

Borrowing from The Hangover's school of thought that sequels should be the exact same thing but just kind of bigger, the same charms of the original continue to be the high points of the follow-up, while its flaws get expanded to the point of muffling the bulk of the fun.

9) Thor

Not unlike last year's The Wolfman, Thor does an incredible job of creating an awesome setting which sets the perfect mood for the adventure. Instead of a fight with a werewolf Anthony Hopkins, however, we get a fight with a giant, fire-breathing robot and an ending that makes you feel like you just watched a two-hour commercial for The Avengers

8) Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2

Oh what high hopes I had for the Harry Potter finale. After the admittedly awesome first part, I was hoping for more of the creative, compelling choices that made it so successful. Instead, we get action sequence after action sequence with throw-outs to the fans that would have otherwise led to outrage.

7) X-Men: First Class

I'll be the first to admit that my taste in X-Men movies doesn't always jive with everyone else's. When it came out, I really liked X-Men: The Last Stand, and I didn't despise X-Men Origins: Wolverine. So I'm not exactly on the First Class bandwagon along with everyone else. For sure it's entertaining, but it's not the genre-game-changer that it was made out to be (that, my friends, was a little movie called Iron Man).

6) The Thing

I suppose it's kind of hypocritical for me to crap on the Sherlock Holmes franchise for doing the same thing twice and then praise The Thing for pretty much the same thing but it's not like you read these things because of my epic credibility anyway. I think the difference comes from the respect that The Thing has for its predecessor. Rather than trying to cut two films out of the same cloth, the 2011 version is a very respectful homage with some fancy new CGI.

5) The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

With the full review forthcoming, all I can say at this point is that it's not often that movies affect me, or shake me, or leave me wanting to cleanse the world of certain types of people but The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is notable for being a challenging movie to watch even if it does seem like it suffers from condensation and complexity in its transition from the page.

4) Super 8

When J.J. Abrams does his best Steven Spielberg impression, you end up with a reminder that sometimes there's just such a thing as a good movie. While the ending suffers under the strain of its hokiness, there's plenty of excitement and fun to make a legitimately entertaining movie.

3) Bridesmaids

In the war between people who think that Bridesmaids is an overrated, unfunny steamy pile and those who felt refreshed by seeing a woman poop in a sink, I fall into the latter camp. It's a story about a woman who keeps making us want to choke her for getting in her own way but who we love because she speaks more openly and honestly than we've allowed ourselves to believe women are allowed to.

2) Contagion

Contagion, quite simply, made me scared of everything and not want to die. Intriguing in its exploration of the possible fallout of a murderous flu, it is the film's frightening plausibility that gives it its power and, subsequently, my #2 spot.

1) The Muppets

Look how happy these guys are to win...



You just have to see it to get it. And if you see it, and don't get it, you may need to send a teeny-tiny spelunking team into your body in order to discover why your soul is a shriveled black mass of depression and pain. With its boundless delightfulness and self-conscious nostalgic optimism, The Muppets is the clear winner for best movie of 2011.

Merry Christmas

I don't know if I'm allowed to do this but I read a new article on Cracked.com called 4 Things Both Atheists and Believers Need to Stop Saying. The article, while not terribly well-written or insightful, left me feeling like I had something to say on the subject. I do not pretend to be as well-read or well-informed in my lack of faith as I wish to be, however, I did take the time to, hopefully, clear up some misconceptions about Atheism. I have posted those thoughts below but I do encourage you to check out the original article in order to understand where these responses are coming from.

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You are absolutely correct in stating that "not believing in God will not, in itself, make you smart." The correlation actually happens the other way. Dawkins, in "The God Delusion," which is only dismissed in passing in this article, takes the time to erode the fantasy of the religious intellectual. It is *possible* for an intelligent, learned person to have a faith or a belief in a personal God, however the higher the level of education and/or academic accomplishment, the smaller the likelihood that the person in question will subscribe to specific beliefs. This is not because of an intellectual conspiracy stemming from the separation of church and state but rather because of an increase in knowledge.

The more you learn, the more you become aware of how much you do not know. While this may seem like it would inherently lead to the individual clinging to whatever beliefs they could have, in order to have *something* as a firm foundation for whatever new ignorance they are stumbling into, it becomes nearly impossible to gain perspective on any branch of any supernatural belief system without compromising one's ability to adhere to it with authenticity or conviction.

Most "Atheists" acknowledge that there very well could be a creator God and that any given faith could, hypothetically, have all the right answers. It is the incredible unlikelihood of any of these possibilities which drive them toward skepticism. Along this line of thought, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, an admitted joke, acts a metaphor for any other "God" figure. While its existence cannot be unproven, its unlikelihood forces even its alleged followers to recognize that an unlikely God is not worth serious consideration. Christians, Jews, and Muslims are Atheists when it comes to everything but the Abrahamic God. They assume, and probably rightly so, that Thor, Hoth, and Aphrodite are not real, despite the honest reverence they once received. So-called "Atheists" are simply willing to extend the same skepticism to all deities, including the Abrahamic God.

It was also inferred, either in the article or in a comment (and it's all the same now), that Atheists shouldn't nit-pick the specifics of religious beliefs. But that is the very nature of the Atheist mind. Take the immaculate conception of Jesus, for example. A so-called Christian is asked to believe that Mary conceived, while still a Virgin. Belief in this story grants it an immediate, supernatural awe. An Atheist, however, is willing to probe into the story. Firstly, they will discover the possibility of the easy-to-make mistranslation, of a word meaning "young girl" to mean "virgin." Having learned this, they will assess the situation: Is it more likely that a human being made a mistake when translating decades-old text which had, itself, been passed through generations of oral history, OR is it more likely that a being with the power to create existence, navigated the 1,419,079,260,000,000km of universe to subvert the biological rules He himself put into place, in order to demonstrate to one species of creature amongst over 1,000,000,00, on one planet, that they have His favour. Yes, the second option is possible but no rational mind would conclude that its likelihood is comparable. Atheist nit-picking is not a jealous tantrum, trying to rob spiritual people of the peace they've found in divinity. It is about pulling back the curtain, seeing how the machine works, and realizing that Oz is still an amazing place, even if there is no Wizard.

Read more: 4 Things Both Atheists and Believers Need to Stop Saying | Cracked.com http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-things-both-atheists-believers-need-to-stop-saying_p2/#ixzz1hWQF1000