The Movies of 2009

From poking around this thing we call the Internet, I have come to understand that there is some kind of obligation to creating "Best Of The (n)Aughts" lists if you run any kind of blog. Having only been part of the scene a little over two months now, I don't feel that I have been watching movies critically enough since the year 2000 to competently compile such a list. Come back in ten years, and I'll probably be able to come up with something. I've even come up with a name for the series of decade-long retrospectives I will undoubtedly compile. I will call it "Hindsight in 2020." Pretty good, eh?

So anyway, the point is, I feel like 2009 has kind of been getting the shaft, since it's at the end of a decade, and everyone is worried about their decade lists. So, for your reading pleasure, I offer up the movies of 2009, that I have seen, listed from worst to best.

*Notable exceptions that I haven't seen (notable status being given by either 1) my wanting to see it, but not having gotten around to it 2) having it be ridiculously successful, and I can't stand feeling different from other people or 3) it coming strongly recommended:

-Paul Blart: Mall Cop, Coraline, Adventureland, The Hangover, (500) Days Of Summer, 9, Up In The Air

And here we go...

26) Dragonball: Evolution



Probably the worst movie I've seen since Freddy Got Fingered. There's just nothing salvageable about it. The lives of the people involved are forever tainted by their involvement in this abysmal violator of childhood memory.

25) The Unborn

It's been awhile. I saw this movie because it was the only thing playing when I dropped into the theatre between two classes. I had done the same a few weeks before and ended up seeing Slumdog Millionaire, so I'm batting .500 . Come to think of it, I remember having a vague interest in seeing it because my temporary man-crush on Cam Gigandet was in its waning stages. Either way, the movie was crap. It tried to be The Exorcist, and I remember something about Nazis, but by no means was it the best demonic possession movie this year.

24) Confessions Of A Shopaholic

If you're ever in the mood for a bad chick flick, where a spoiled girl learns the valuable lesson of sharing, you should still go somewhere else. This movie was the only real blemish on what I considered to be an otherwise perfectly executed surprise Valentine's Day date.

23) Angels & Demons

I'm probably the only person in the world who liked this book better than The DaVinci Code. While not loving the first movie, I resented seeing this one. All of the intrigue, brutality, and pseudo-intelligence that I remember from the book is stripped out, leaving me as cold and lifeless as Tom Hanks' Robert Langdon.

22) Inkheart

The badassery of one cool character (Paul Bettany's Dustfinger), didn't make up for the frustratingly lame elements of the film, for example, every other character. With the premise of a guy who can bring any book to life, the possibilities for where this could have gone were endless, so it's a real shame that where it ended up going was so mediocre.

21) Gamer

Much like the movie that precedes this one on the list, we found ourselves with what had the potential to be a really kick-ass movie, with witty dialogue and maybe even a tasteful warning message about digital media. Instead, we a mildly kick-ass movie, with lame dialogue, and a strong desire to play The Sims... if there were rocket launchers.

20) Year One

This movie was Typecasting 101. Michael Cera plays Michael Cera, while Jack Black plays Jack Black, in a mostly unfunny buddy pictures about two cavemen who make their way through various biblical locations. I can't endorse any movie that makes me disappointed to see Paul Rudd and David Cross.

19) Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen

I don't really remember the first Transformers movie, except for the fact that I had no idea what was going on. Having not ever played with a Transformer, combined with my inability to keep track of what was going on, I really couldn't have cared less about the sequel. After seeing it, that opinion still stands. With such big, elaborate truck monsters, it's nearly impossible for me to understand which metal giant I am supposed to be cheering for. Also, when "the shard" makes everything it touches turn into a Transformer, it takes away from the relatability of the rest of them. I'm not going to care about some random robot from outerspace, if my toaster just became one.

18) Friday The 13th

The movie's earlier kills are fun and original. That's about all this has going for it, except Aaron Yoo, who I really enjoyed watching be the pathetic, funloving guy, who you're actually kind of sad to see minced up.

17) Push

16) The Twilight Saga: New Moon

15) Trick 'r Treat

14) Avatar

13) Watchmen

Rather than re-write what I think, I'm going to give you guys the contents of an e-mail I wrote to the University of Western Ontario's Gazette, in response to their glowing review:

As an English major, it is my job to see things from different perspectives, to accept divergent opinions, and to generally realize that when it comes to literature, there is no right or wrong. After reading Wednesday's review of Watchmen, I learned that it is very possible for someone to simply be wrong.

To be fair, I would like to set the stage for my own experience of seeing the movie. Despite being a comic book fan, I did not encounter (or even hear about) Watchmen until my second year at Western, when it was assigned as course reading for English 117: Reading Popular Culture. I enjoyed the book immensely. As the release date approached, it was not uncommon for me to go to YouTube to get a Watchmen fix via the film's Smashing Pumpkins-scored trailer. Anyone who knows a 10-17-year old girl will understand what I mean when I say that Watchmen was my Twilight.

Even still, this anticipation was always slightly dampened by doubt that the movie just wasn't going to work. As long as people have been trying to make a Watchmen movie, there have been people (including the graphic novel's author, Alan Moore) who have insisted that in adaptation, Watchmen loses its integrity and literary value. As tempting as it is to imagine Alan Moore as just some crotchety old bastard who has resisted the project for the sake of being a crotchety old bastard, his prediction was completely accurate.

Despite my fanboy status, I wasn't particularly upset or “distraught” about the plot changes. The altered ending makes a hell of a lot more sense for a movie than the original ending. There are some (and I have dabbled with this opinion) who believe that it is, in fact, a better ending. This ending brings the movie's characters closer together and removes the more supernatural elements, ultimately making the story more believable.

Where Watchmen fails is in its mere right to exist. Zack Snyder's goal was always to bring the graphic novel to the movie screen. The attention to visible detail is utterly astounding. Quite often, the film is simply beautiful in its visual translation. Snyder's storyboards (which he drew himself) were quite often taken straight from panels of the comic book. Subsequently, many of the film's scenes are authentically replicated animated tableaus. While this may have been successful technique in the much more visual experience of 300, the flawed, human characters of the Watchmen movie suffer for it. Where Snyder really faces a problem is that any time that there is a deviation from the text in order to make a better movie, the film loses its grip on the fundamental Watchmenness that he is trying so hard to retain. Ultimately it is a battle that is impossible to win. By keeping to the middle, trying to satisfy both camps, we end up with a movie that is neither great on its own nor an entirely faithful adaptation. So, what could Snyder have done better? Probably nothing aside from simply not doing it. Watchmen is not a movie. It is a comic book, and if any good has come from the movie, it is that it has brought people back to the original text. As sales of the graphic novel increase, the movie will serve as a temporary spotlight on a book that shines plenty brightly on its own and deserves its place on Time's “100 Best Novels” list.

As for Kaufman's assertion that the film is a “memorable movie experience which will benefit from repeated viewings”: I saw it twice. I can assure you that my feelings didn't change the second time around.

12) He's Just Not That Into You

This is where the list starts to get to the movies that I enjoyed. This flick was the other half of the aforementioned Valentine's Date, and it definitely got me more points than Confessions Of A Shopaholic did. Like Love, Actually before it (although not as good), HJNTIY is a heart-warming ensemble comedy with enough different, divergent stories to keep you interested and smitten. This movie also has the honour of being only one of two Drew Barrymore movies that I don't loathe (the other being Music & Lyrics).

11) Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince

Although not the strongest of the series (OOTP, FTW), Half-Blood Prince is a pretty good adaptation of the novel, as well as a pretty good movie.

10) X-Men Origins: Wolverine

I may be one of the only critics in the world who actually liked this movie (we must stand together, J.R. Jones of the Chicago Reader! I thought it was exciting and fun, but then again, I also enjoyed X-Men: The Last Stand so I must be crazy, right?

9) Sherlock Holmes

8) Up

This may not be the Wall-E-esque masterpiece that it has been made out to be, but it certainly is an enjoyable, touching, and original piece of work. Some of the jokes get a bit tired, and I found the last twenty minutes or so disappointing, but there isn't really any questioning that this was a good movie.
7) Underworld: Rise Of The Lycans

Here's another one that kind of snuck up. I didn't particularly enjoy Underworld, and I haven't seen the sequel, but I found myself getting entirely caught up in the drama and, particularly, the action of this film. Michael Sheen was captivating, and immersive, not unlike Russell Crowe's Maximus from Gladiator.

6) Zombieland

My fiancee and I counted up how many zombie movies we have seen together, and we figure that in the last year, we have seen ten of them. Zombieland is almost certainly my favourite. Its humour (both meta and regular) and balls-to-the-walls zombie-stomping ass-kickery made it an undeniable popcorn-fisting good time.

5) Drag Me To Hell

This movie is just ridiculous. It starts off completely out of hand, and doesn't let up until the unforgiving finale, which includes one of my favourite moments in cinematic history. I couldn't find a screencap, so please just believe me when I tell you that just thinking about the look on Justin Long's face makes me pee with laughter.

4) Where The Wild Things Are

3) Star Trek

2) Inglourious Basterds

A lot of discussions of this movie involve sentences that start with "The Best Tarantino Movie Since..." Haters finish this sentence with Jackie Brown, while those who loved (myself included) it are more inclined to top it off with Pulp Fiction. Dialogue, brutality, and characterization make up the brilliance of this pseudo-historical yarn.

1) District 9



Sharlto Copley made this movie. His performance as a hunted outcast, struggling to avoid the military, maintain a relationship with his wife, learn about an incomprehensible alien race, and, oh yeah, try to figure out how to NOT turn into a giant prawn, is unlike anything I have seen before. Throw that all into a movie that also includes gunfights with unique, imaginative weaponry (although maybe a little too much), and you have, in my unhumble opinion, the best movie of 2009.